I've been reading a book called, Mothers of Influence, about mothers of famous people and how they shaped their children's early lives. (For readers in the Stafford area, it can be found in the Calvary Baptist Church library)
The take away points are that a mother of influence does these things: teaches her children who they are in Christ, shares her love for God, prays with and for her children, nutures their individual gifts and "bents", teaches them to do what is right, models hard work and learning, teaches them self-control, shares joy and has fun with her children, shows them how to be good stewards of the resources God has given them, keeps them on the "straight and narrow", leads her children to take action in their faith, and releases them to fulfill God's calling for their lives.
One Tough Mother
One of my favorite stories in this book is about Sonya Carson, mother of the brilliant pediatric surgeon, Ben Carson. One of 24 children and with only a third grade education, this African American single mother worked 2 and 3 jobs at a time as a maid to support her two sons. She prayed better things for them, though, and was not pleased with Ben's report card showing failing grades in fourth grade. Summoning her sons, she told them they would end up sweeping floors in a factory and that was not what God had planned for them. She told them she would pray, asking God for wisdom to help them do better in school. After two days, she called the boys to her and explained the plan God had given her. To their great dismay, Sonya announced that the plan would be to turn off the t.v. They could watch only two t.v. shows a week, spending the rest of their time on homework and reading--even having to write 2 book reports weekly for her. You can imagine how the boys objected and tried to argue with Sonja, but her mind was made up. She knew education was the only way out of their poor area in Detroit. Ben tells that reading opened new worlds and stimulated his curiosity for learning. Graduating from the neuro-surgery program at Johns Hopkins Medical School, he became the youngest chief of pediatric neurosurgery in the U.S. He performed successful surgery to separate Siamese twins joined at the head and has performed surgeries treating seizure disorders for many other children. His brother is an engineer. Ben credits his mother with providing them with a loving but disciplined environment and insisting they use their brains and talents in the ways God had planned for them. (Later, Sonja "walked her talk" by getting her G.E.D. and graduating from a junior college)
Just as Sonja Carson had to be tough to bring about the best for her boys, all of us as moms know that we have to balance love and compassion with toughness for our children's sakes.
Being the mom your kids need is not going to win you any popularity contests. Life is just plain hard sometimes, and God calls us not to retreat, but to step up and tough it out, relying on His strength and grace to carry us through. He can not use us if we shrink and retreat from those things that are difficult or unpleasant. We have to let others see that we're willing to do His bidding even when we do not want to, that obedience is rewarded and God will enable us to do what He needs us to do. Let others (especially your kids) see you take a step in trust and obedience that you can take only because you're sure God will catch you!
Side note: Last fall it was AWANA night at our small country church and one of the leaders spied a snake who had come in through an outside door to the game room and hidden behind some bookcases. While the men went to procure snake removal equipment(yardstick and trashcan) one of the lady leaders bent over, grabbed it behind the head and took it back out the door. This act of singular bravery awed the rest of us. Expressing my admiration, I teased her saying, "You are one tough mother. No wonder your son is a marine." (Her son Jake, had just completed marine boot camp)(You go, Nancee!)
Spring Training
I may talk tough, but I am one of the wimpiest shrinking violets around--I would prefer to sit on the bench in the game of life, secure in my spot and routine. (Or be the watergirl--serving in a limited, safe kind of way) But God has this way of tapping me on the shoulder, pointing to the field and saying, "Get in there, kid, we need you to play this inning." To which, I regret to say, I'm like--"God, are you sure you mean me? There are lots of better players to send in", and giving Him my litany of excuses to keep me out of the game. How much would it please God if I answered, "Here I am God, send me"? It helps if you've warmed up already by taking some of the curve balls life throws your way and have seen how God covers for you. God doesn't always call us to hit the ball out of the park, but to just advance the other runners on the bases. (and help them get "home") We can all do that by praying, by acts of service, by giving love and encouragement. There are times, though, when we do need to be ready and willing to "step up to the plate." (I don't know where this baseball analogy came from--I'm pleading Spring Fever)
Tough Luck
I'm on my soapbox now, but I am continually amazed at children I work with at school and church who look me straight in the eye and tell me they don't want to do something, that they don't like whatever. (If my kids are reading this, I can hear their moans--"don't say that to my Mom!") I just smile and tell them, "Well you know what? That's O.K., you don't have to like it to do it. And the sooner we do it, the sooner we get done. In fact, when you do things you don't want to do, it helps you grow!" (Have you ever heard the expression, "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger?") At our house we joke about it, saying, "Oh good, something else to build character!"
Children need to know grown-ups have to do things they don't want to do all the time, that a person needs to be strong enough to do the things that are right and need to be done.
Tough Times Take Tough Love
Moms and people who work with children have to be strong enough to take the heat to do what is right for their children and to expect children to do their best.
I read another story about a mom whose four year old son broke his left elbow very badly and doctors said he would never be able to use that arm. Unwilling to accept that future for her son, she filled a bucket with sand and had him carry it around their house twice a day. (This would have been fifty some years ago, before advances in physical therapy!) Of course, it hurt the boy terribly and he cried the whole way, but his mom held tough and walked right beside him every step, crying along with him. Not only did he regain complete function of his arm, he had an incredible talent for playing the guitar--becoming a guitarist for the band, the Eagles. If you ever heard the song, Hotel California, (one of their big hits) Don Felder co-wrote and plays one of the best-known guitar solos of rock and roll in that song--all because his mom made him do what was hard for his good . It's hard to watch our children in pain. Our daughter was born with an almost club foot and we had to make her wear shoe braces in her first months of life. Of course, she hated it and by the time I would get one foot into her shoe on the brace and start working on the second, she would pull the first one out. She would kick and cry and I would sweat and cry and think how much easier it would be to quit. Easier, but not better. We kept at it, her foot straightened out, and her senior year in high school she placed sixth at State in Cross Country! (Only God could take a little girl with foot/leg issues and give her a love of running. She's training for a mini-marathon right now. ) God takes our weaknesses and turns them into strengths--Don Felder's arm, my daughter's feet and I'm sure can think of examples in your own lives as well.
My heart goes out to single Moms and those who are mothering special needs children. Theirs is a type of tough love I will never know. Not just to keep loving their children through the challenges, but to be tough with themselves as well--too keep on when they want to quit.
There are several ladies in my life who have my sincere thanks and admiration for showing me how to get through tough times. My mother-in-law became a widow in her forties with children 15, 13, 11, and 8 years of age. She was able, with the help of God and others to keep her family and herself together. She told me she would go into her closet to cry so the children wouldn't be upset. Sometimes we have to be tough enough as women to hang on and get through for those who are counting on us.
So, Moms, (and ladies) you hang tough. You can change the world through the lessons you teach your children and others. No pressure, right? Keep asking for God's help to give you the wisdom, patience and strength you need to love and help others for Him.
P.S. Did you know that Orville and Wilbur Wright's mother was the one with the mechanical abilities in their home? She passed them on to her sons and guided/encouraged their tinkering. (I would have been, "You boys get these greasy tools out of the living room right now".) A good reminder to work with our children's gifts!Spring Break
(Do you notice how I work in Spring topics in what is supposed to be "Women who make a Difference/History" month? It's not like I'm anxious for Spring...)
Watching the Olympics has been great (and those athletes have some moms who made a lot of sacrifices for their children! I want to talk to the mother of a snow boarder--wow--I'll bet those kids were escaping their cribs, falling off roofs--they probably had an express pass at the hospital emergency room)
Anyway, seeing Vancouver with all the ice and snow is a lot like looking out the windows here, minus mountains, water and Canadian Mounties. Changing channels during a break, I made the mistake of watching the travel channel's "Best Mexican Beach Resorts". White sands, turquoise waters, palm trees, SUN, and warm people soaking up the Sun. I made my own little resort and you can too. (It helps if you have a lot of imagination, but the price is right!)
Tropics Day
We created this celebration for some dreary winter day when we needed a change and some fun. Here's how it works: The kids colored a huge beach scene on some recycled paper we taped together, and hung in the dining room. Spread some beach towels in front, and if you have some beach shells, sprinkle those around. Some inflatable beach balls or air mattresses are another nice touch. The kids wear swimsuits and lay on "the beach". Run some nice warm water in the bath tub, add a few drops of blue food coloring (just a few--we did this several years and nobody turned blue)and the kids hop in "the pool". Let them make waves but do supervise. (The last year we celebrated Tropics Day in this manner, my youngest son was seated in front and brought his head up under the faucet, resulting in a 2" gash. The blood in the water looked like sharks were circling. We had to bundle all three kids up, with wet hair, and head out in the falling snow to our emergency room ten miles away. It was a little difficult and embarassing to explain the circumstances of the injury!) After a dip in the pool, dry off, play Caribbean type music and read children's beach or summmer books. We would have fish for supper, along with whatever tropical fruits we could find. Kiwi, mango, fresh pineapple and starfruit are great. Bonus points if you find a coconut and hammer it open (show the little face in it first) and drink/pour out the milk, then saw and serve. This alone brings forth awe from the kids--sawing your food--Wow! Talk about God's creativity in thinking of such amazing trees and fruits in the tropics. (The teacher in me can't let this go without reminding you, please, get out the map/globe and explain what and where the Tropics is/are!) Serve pink lemonade spiked with 7-Up and a maraschino cherry with (and this is key) those little paper umbrellas in the drink. (We started having a Tropics Night at AWANA and I took those little umbrellas and the kids loved them--who knew?) Make a little beach centerpiece for your table by pouring sand in a square baking dish, add some shells and one of the little umbrellas. Let the kids walk through it with their fingers!
What fun! I love to use imagination and have a good time on the cheap. Except for the year of what lives in family lore as Josh's "shark bite", this is is an inexpensive way to have fun. Be warned, though, they get in high school and decide a spring break trip to Florida to see the real deal beaches is in order!
Meanwhile this year, I poured some of my Florida white beach sand in the bottom of a candleholder, added a blue candle and some shells and am sipping my pink fizzie lemonade complete with umbrella until Spring really does get here! Enjoy!
Stay tuned for ideas for Spring Break II--coming soon.
